She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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