Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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