Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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