Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
