did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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