how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
