You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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