Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
