dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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