his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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