I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
