so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
