ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
