When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
