yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
