WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My vagina just recognized that song.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
