based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
