god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
