you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
