My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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