now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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