Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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