in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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