yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
