No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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