Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
