Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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