i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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