but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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