I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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