escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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