the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
