Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize