i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He passed out mid-signature
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
