my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
