it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
