I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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