If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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