I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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