So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
