Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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