Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
