had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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