she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You need Xanax blowdarts
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
