If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
