im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
