he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
