I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
