so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She announced her abortion via fbk
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
i now understand why vodka
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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