I am puke
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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