i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
