Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I need to stop coming to work sober
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
