i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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