This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
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you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
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My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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