I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
