I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
