To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
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Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
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So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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