Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
