I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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