it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He has the fingertips of a God
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
