Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
