i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
