I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
