Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
