bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
