Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
