chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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