It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
