dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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