i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
even my farts smell like vagina
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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