i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
