GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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