I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
