Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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