He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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