i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
