Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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