how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
