I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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